The Oceanmaker

🌊The Oceanmaker🌊
Our writing genre for this week is currently 'Narrative'. A narrative is a spoken or written account of connected events; a story. My narrative is written in 1st person; which means I am talking about the person in the story. 
The Process:
1) I had to watch part of the 'Oceanmaker video. (We only watched a little bit so we could choose the ending ourselves.) (Watch here)
2) Then, we discussed the video, and talked about what we saw, heard, and felt like.
3) After that, all of the class had to make a plan, so we could plan what the ending of our story. 
4) We started writing our story, and after we had written it, we re-read it to make sure it made sense.
5) Then, we all met on the mat and watched the whole video so we could see what the real ending was like. 

Please tell me on what I need to improve on, and give me feedback in the comments!

To see the ending of my story, read it! Here is my story:

Yara looked around the dry, lost place, worried while operating her plane, hope lost, and she was desperate. Desperate to find what she was looking for. No food. No water. She had to find it.

She soon realised that she was in the right place when she saw a lighthouse, to her left.

Yara looked down to the sheet in her lap, labeled: ‘The Oceanmaker’. The environment around her was dry, and scorching, causing her to feel dizzy. She picked up her binoculars, her hope still lost. Her eyes bulged. She looked over to see a cloud, not big, not small. The cloud was heading in her direction.

Adrenaline rushed through her body. The cloud seemed to be getting closer and closer, she could feel it. Her eyes focused on the misty cloud, so delicate, but so powerful. This cloud depended on her future. This cloud depended on everyone’s future.

The cloud was filling the dry land, shaped like a pothole, and turning it into an ocean. Yara’s eyes wetted. She soon wiped them to see another set of clouds coming toward her direction. But she had forgotten about one thing. She was in a plane.

The feeling of joy spread like a virus around Yara’s body. Her beam lit up the plane. She watched as the land got deeper, and more moist. The clouds flooded the sky, and the ground, and then Yara realised.

Her plane was getting lower, and lower, and lower, and lower. The water had taken over. Yara looked up to see the water forming a wave, about to drown her.

The wave crashed over the plane, and hit Yara so hard, that she went blind for a second. Yara screamed underwater. The plane door was locked, and Yara panicked. She was losing her breath. Was this it?

She didn’t have much power or force underwater, but she was a clever girl. She tried to smash the window and fortunately, it worked. Yara swam through the smashed window, going purple. She swam to the top, where there was air, as fast as she could.

Yara took a deep breath when she reached the top. Relief hit her. I’m alive.

The sun wrapped around her, and cooked her. She groaned and dunked herself back underwater. The cooling water surrounded her, and calmed her. She slowly popped her head out the top, and breathed. I don’t know how I’m going to get home. She thought. How am I so calm in this situation?

The more Yara tried to panic herself, the more calm she got. She didn’t know why.

A shark swam up to her. HOW? THE LAND WAS JUST A DESERT AND NOW THERE ARE SHARKS SNEAKING AROUND? Yara was so frustrated, but she didn’t have any time for anger, because right then, it was a life threatening decision she had to make.

She had to get away from a shark.